One little fishy, swimming in the sea ...

I'm at a crossroads, and am feeling slightly frightened. There are some changes in the distance. Just close enough for me to know they are there, but far enough to make them a complete mystery. I wish I could get into more detail here, but at this time I can't.

All I can say is that my family will always come first. Always. I have said it before, my career is very important to me, but my family is much more important to me. If you are truly happy with your life, you will make the other things work with it. The times, they sure are a-changing ... and maybe that is for the best.

This may give it away, but corporate America and I have a love/hate relationship. It's steadily been moving closer to the latter, as of recently. I sat outside work today, with the two main buildings in front of me and it was an exact depiction of how I have been feeling. I looked up at these two, 30-40 story buildings, wondering who is up there. WAY up there. Do they ever look down, do they even care? And, if they looked down, I would just be another person in the sea of the city.

Like I said, I am at a crossroads, and I'm feeling a bit scared. I have faith in life, though. We all must follow our paths.

She hasn't let me down. Yet.

Empathy

Empathy. It's a simple word, and most people generally understand its meaning. But, really ... think about it. Do you know what it is to truly be empathetic? A natural human expectation is to have someone relate to their position when in a time of need, sadness, anger, and even happiness.

I am, sometimes, too empathetic. Then again, at times I feel like I am heartless. I pass the same guy as I get on the highway. He's holding a sign saying he's homeless and hungry. I have, not once, given him a dollar. I have offered an umbrella when it was pouring. Maybe tomorrow, I'll roll down my window and hand over a couple bucks. Here's the empathetic side coming through: If I were homeless, hungry, and alone. It would be nice to have someone actually reach out to help me. But, the realisitc, pessimistic side thinks: get a job. See, I told you I could be heartless.

When it comes to parenting, I think empathy is crucial. You have to put yourself in your child's position with nearly everything you do. I truly believe that being an empathetic parent is a huge step toward lessening frustration and gaining understanding, especially with a toddler who cannot communicate his wants and needs. In my opinion, you need to step out of yourself in the very moment when he or she falls to the floor for a tantrum. Think: He wants something. He's not getting it. He can't tell me what he wants, and that's probably frustrating for him. Talk to your child, even if you think they don't get it. Calmly tell them that you know they're upset, it's okay to be upset, and that you love them. They're not having a melt down to make you angry, so don't be.

Here's another case where being empathetic is crucial for parenting: I saw a mother with two very small children crossing the road today. They were going slowly, of course, as they had very tiny legs. Irritated, she lashed out at both of them, telling them to "hurry up" and as they scooted quicker across the street, she said (loudly) "I don't f*cking understand why you can't just move!". Well, mom, they are small kids. They have small legs. That means, they move slower. If you stopped to think about that and put yourself in their position where you, their mother, is walking faster than them and then yelling at them... how would YOU feel? The look on the kids' faces made my heart sink. It was like they knew she was frustrated with them. They probably did. Really .. was that necessary? Couldn't you have said in a nicer manner "come on, you two, the cars are coming!".

I really just think that it's common sense. In any situation you come into, think about the other person. Could you be projecting negativity when you don't mean you are? Could your tone be taken in a way you didn't intend? If your friend/family member is going through a rough time, or even a great time, take a second to put yourself in their shoes. Think about how meaningful it would be to you to have someone really listen to you, and then respond as if they were right there with you. Would feel fantastic, wouldn't it?

With your friends, with your family. Just take a minute. Think.

Working Mom's Buzz

I am a working mother. I work 8-9 hour days. Add in the commute and ultimately I am away from home for up to 12 hours every day. My son is in day care, with a group of women I need to trust with every ounce of my being. My parents are nearly 8 hours away, my in-laws about 6, and my husband is pursuing a new career, but must first complete studying for his second bachelor's and master's degree. Day care is our only option.

I am plagued with guilt almost every day when I set my son on the floor at day care, place a toy in front of him, hoping that it will distract him long enough for me to make a quick, stealthy exit. I know that, depending on his mood, he has the potential to look at me as if I am the cruelest person in the world for leaving him there. I get in my car, and drive to work.

When I come home, he's there waiting for me with his daddy and I am almost 100% of the time greeted with a squeal and a smile. I have roughly 2-2.5 hours with him until it is bedtime. Within this time, one of us will cook, we eat and feed the baby, then clean up. Next thing I know, we have an iota of play time, then he is sleeping.

There are days where I feel the pang inside my stomach, the yearning to be able to stay home with my son every day. I see friends who are stay-at-home moms who can nurse on demand until age 1 and who can make their own baby food. If I close my eyes and envisioned perfection, that would be it. Almost.

Almost? Why almost? Here's why: I studied for four years to obtain my bachelor's degree. I busted my butt and landed myself a great full-time job with a company excellently positioned and a boss who was amazing. Working in this position for about 2.5 years prepared me for where I am now. After a short stint as a slave, er, I mean administrative assistant, I am finally working a job where I get to do something I love: write. I LIKE going to work. I LIKE my boss, my floor, how I get to spend my day. Not to mention... my paycheck is a necessity.

I am a mother, yes, and my son has fulfilled me in ways I have never imagined, but I am also 25 years old and have (I hope) a long life ahead of me. I'd love to spend my day with my son, playing, reading, going for walks, but, and here comes the other sense of guilt: I want, and need to be working.

I like adult interaction and conversation, I like people respecting my opinion and I LOVE being complimented by people with hefty titles on articles I wrote (oh, yeah - that happened).

So, here I sit, staring at fork in the road and really no option but to go in this direction -- working.

I like to live by the idea that 50 years from now when I have dentures, need a hearing aid and am sitting on my front porch swing with my beloved husband, I won't think back and say "I wish". Regrets happen, but I try with all of the power within me to not have any come knocking at my door. Everything happens for a reason, I believe that, and I plan to look to my husband and say, "I'm so that glad we..."

Buzzing about: Breastfeeding

From the day I announced I was pregnant, I began hearing the gamut of birth stories from the women in my life who are already moms (most of these stories involve some form of horrific detail regarding 18 hours of labor, healing episiotomies, shoddy epidurals, and so on). As the birth of my son drew closer and closer, breastfeeding became the hot topic. The spoken and unspoken pressure to breastfeed began to set in.

As soon as I heard "breast is best", formula suddenly seemed like the big bad monster out to get my child. Whether or not it was intentional, those three words had their affect on me. They won. They are society's subliminal marketing campaign for new moms. It worked on me! Additionally, there is a list of possible negative outcomes from feeding your child formula that includes constipation, obesity, lower IQ, weaker immune system, etc. Therefore, again, in my mind I suddenly feel like should I feed my child formula, I will be a horrible mother who selfishly decided to have an obese, constipated, stupid, constantly ill child.

I was a strictly formula-fed baby, except for the first day or so after I was born because of issues my mother had. Guess what? Besides the freshman 15, I have never had issues with my weight. Except for the common cold and occasional bout with the flu, I'm pretty healthy. Did I ever fail a test? Sure -- but that probably had something to do with being an irresponsible teenager and wanting to sit chatting with my friends online or going out instead of studying. I have a college degree, was hired for a full-time job in my field before graduating and not to toot my own horn, but I have been told by authority figures in the workplace that I am a pretty sharp gal. I have to say, formula really wasn't that bad!

I am a breastfeeding mom, my intention is not to "dis" breast feeding. I just wanted to lay the ground work for the next part of this post -- the fact that though so much pressure is placed on new moms to breastfeed their babies, generally, it seems people are hard-pressed to accept a woman breastfeeding their child in public. This raises a problem, because as Murphy's Law would have it, your little one is going to suddenly let out a famished wail once you arrive at that restaurant for lunch or the mall for some afternoon shopping. Unless you've brought along a bottle of pumped breast milk, you're going to have to pop out the fountain of that glorious "liquid gold" to allow your wee tot to eat. Of course, society, though it shakes it's finger at formula, has the same finger on the other hand shaking away at women sitting in the middle of the mall feeding their child from their breast. The aforementioned "Breast is best" phrase should be followed by "...only if you can do it in the most discreet location, cover it up, or do it at home." I personally feel embarrassed by the thought of breastfeeding in public. The gals are a little shy. Even if I had a wrap, I would still feel like people were looking at me negatively for exposing myself in public -- they would know what I was doing. However, if I sat with a bottle, no one would even blink an eye. Why is this? Have we as a society sexualized the breast so much that a woman feeding her child is less acceptable than a half-naked woman in a sexy ad? I can't help but wonder if we will ever reach a time when a woman popping out a bottle will be scrutinized, or if this is even a possibility for the future? If breast really is best, why aren't the fellow mothers in the world giving "the look" to women feeding their baby from a bottle?

A lot of women plan to breastfeed their babies, then have trouble doing so because of a range of issues, or they learn that their breast milk actually causes more sleepless nights for all involved due to that cauliflower or broccoli they ate. They may have an oversupply, which causes babies to be gassier than ever because mom is producing too much of one kind of milk (yes, there's 2!). Or, simply, mom may really, really like to get some sleep and have dad be more active in the feeding department. Moms just need to do what works best for them and their babies, and the dads, too, and not have to worry about fitting into the expectations of society. If the thought of putting your kid to your breast freaks you out - no big deal. If formula seems like satan's spawn - stick to the breast.

Overall, I just don't understand why women constantly need to "one up" each other in this department and can't be more accepting and understanding of their fellow new moms. We're all in the same boat, aren't we? The feeding, changing, learning and yes, yawning boat all along the way.