Empathy

Empathy. It's a simple word, and most people generally understand its meaning. But, really ... think about it. Do you know what it is to truly be empathetic? A natural human expectation is to have someone relate to their position when in a time of need, sadness, anger, and even happiness.

I am, sometimes, too empathetic. Then again, at times I feel like I am heartless. I pass the same guy as I get on the highway. He's holding a sign saying he's homeless and hungry. I have, not once, given him a dollar. I have offered an umbrella when it was pouring. Maybe tomorrow, I'll roll down my window and hand over a couple bucks. Here's the empathetic side coming through: If I were homeless, hungry, and alone. It would be nice to have someone actually reach out to help me. But, the realisitc, pessimistic side thinks: get a job. See, I told you I could be heartless.

When it comes to parenting, I think empathy is crucial. You have to put yourself in your child's position with nearly everything you do. I truly believe that being an empathetic parent is a huge step toward lessening frustration and gaining understanding, especially with a toddler who cannot communicate his wants and needs. In my opinion, you need to step out of yourself in the very moment when he or she falls to the floor for a tantrum. Think: He wants something. He's not getting it. He can't tell me what he wants, and that's probably frustrating for him. Talk to your child, even if you think they don't get it. Calmly tell them that you know they're upset, it's okay to be upset, and that you love them. They're not having a melt down to make you angry, so don't be.

Here's another case where being empathetic is crucial for parenting: I saw a mother with two very small children crossing the road today. They were going slowly, of course, as they had very tiny legs. Irritated, she lashed out at both of them, telling them to "hurry up" and as they scooted quicker across the street, she said (loudly) "I don't f*cking understand why you can't just move!". Well, mom, they are small kids. They have small legs. That means, they move slower. If you stopped to think about that and put yourself in their position where you, their mother, is walking faster than them and then yelling at them... how would YOU feel? The look on the kids' faces made my heart sink. It was like they knew she was frustrated with them. They probably did. Really .. was that necessary? Couldn't you have said in a nicer manner "come on, you two, the cars are coming!".

I really just think that it's common sense. In any situation you come into, think about the other person. Could you be projecting negativity when you don't mean you are? Could your tone be taken in a way you didn't intend? If your friend/family member is going through a rough time, or even a great time, take a second to put yourself in their shoes. Think about how meaningful it would be to you to have someone really listen to you, and then respond as if they were right there with you. Would feel fantastic, wouldn't it?

With your friends, with your family. Just take a minute. Think.