Monday, January 20, 2014

Someday, I will be the MIL

I know it has been ages since I last wrote. Here I am, 6 months pregnant, and I've had lots to report and lots of exciting things happen, but haven't had the time to really put it all out there. The holidays were crazy and I feel like by the time my Christmas tree was up, it was back down again. We were all over the place, I got a cold, and my typing fingers went on hiatus. Shit happens.

There are really two big items I want to share, then I will get to the point of this post:

1. IT IS A BOY! We are happy to announce we will have a second little boy. It's amazing how many people I don't really know have said, "Oh, are you disappointed it's not a girl?" or something like that as their first reaction. How about "congratulations!" or a simple "I am happy for you!"? To be honest, yes, I have had some pangs of sadness over the fact that I may never have a daughter, but I am over the moon excited and happy to have a healthy little boy growing in my belly like a little weed. The more I think about it, the more thrilled I am that Jonathan will have a brother, and they will have each other for life.

2. HUSBAND HAS FINISHED SCHOOL! He is done. Finished. It is over. I am so glad to have him back during the night, and to see him a little less stressed out. Now, onto finding a full-time job for him! He's had some interviews, so let's keep our fingers, toes, arms, legs -- everything -- crossed that he gets a good offer, soon, at a place he will ENJOY working. Lord knows the income will be welcome, but I also want to finally see him settled some place where he will be an appreciated employee.

Okay, so back to what is on my mind, which kind of plays into #1 up there. I am a member of a birth board, where ladies expecting babies the same month I am due can bitch and moan about being pregnant, laugh about cravings, look for support when having issues, etc. Lately, I have seen a lot of posts about mothers in law, specifically issues that these women are having with their MILs wanting to be present for the birth of the baby, and wanting to stay at their house for days after the baby is born. I understand, some MILs can be heinous, rude and inconsiderate human beings. I can see why, if she is like that, they wouldn't want to have this woman around during labor and then in their house during those first CRUCIAL days of settling in at home.

It is just the way these ladies talk about their MILs. My God, these women sound horrible! It makes me wonder if they are THAT bad, like I said above, or if they are just being a little over dramatic because ::gasp:: the woman wants to be invovled.

I get a sinking feeling deep inside my gut when reading these posts, though; it's almost a sense of sadness and anxiety for my future. I will have two sons ... I will BE the mother in law. I will probably play second fiddle to my sons' spouses' moms, and I understand that, but I don't want my daughter-in-law to feel that way about me. I don't want her to grimace at the idea of having me present to help -- not that I feel like I should be so involved that I am literally pulling the kid out of her vagina and claiming first dibs on the baby for a photo op -- but I would love to visit in the hospital. I'd love the come by after they are home to make dinner, clean and tend to the baby to let my daughter-in-law rest. I wouldn't need to stay at their house if they didn't have the space, and I would come on their terms. It doesn't seem that difficult to me, to be a little considerate of their wants and needs during a pivotal time in life. I just hope that is appreciated and understood.

My mother and I are VERY close, and I rely on her for comfort and as a friend. If my future daughter-in-law has a relationship like that with her mom, I will respect that and I won't try to squash anyone's toes. Her mom will be the first to know when anything exciting happens and I'd expect her to want her mom around when they are first home with the baby.

Now, while I am close with my mom, I try mt best to include my MIL, a mother of three boys, because she deserves to play a role in my kids' lives just as much as my parents do. I know I can be stubborn; I have my moments of being snappy, and I am not perfect ... but I am trying the best I can with this. Hopefully karma lends me a bone and returns the favor by sending my boys someone who will try to put some effort in, too.

And, if somehow someone I don't know winds up reading this post and has negative feelings toward their MIL, especially if they have a son or are expecting a baby boy, please try to take a minute to realize that the tables will turn in the future, and maybe she deserves another chance.

(...unless she beat your husband silly as a kid, is always asking for money or is straight-up mean. We have to draw the line somewhere, right?)

A ittle empathy goes a long way.

And that's all I have to say about that. Hopefully it doesn't take me months to post again. I'm sure I will have more on my mind before this baby comes! Sixteen more weeks to go, but he could come early if he's like his big brother. So, we shall see!

Have a good one, folks!

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

15 Weeks, 4 Days

And no second trimester relief in sight. Seriously. I'm sitting here at my desk during lunch sipping ginger ale. I had chicken noodle soup for lunch. My head is pounding.

This kid is kicking my ass. I'm also on thyroid medicine since baby likes to steal all of my thyroid stimulating hormone and leave me with less than I should really have for myself. That happened with Jonathan, too, though.

It could be a mix of things, really, causing me to feel crappy. Ultimately, I am sure hormones are to blame, but this week has been nothing short of stressful.

Hubs' Nana passed away Saturday morning. It was expected, but it doesn't make it any easier. She was 91 years old. We'll be traveling the six hours up to northcentral PA for the services later this week, only to come right back for an event for the Army we have to attend later in the day after the funeral.

Busy times, I'd say.

We also found out yesterday the cost of daycare for two kids will literally be like paying for two houses at once. I knew it was going to be pricey, but shit, I am still dealing with a little sticker shock.

I'm trying hard to not let that get to me too much, but knowing we want to buy a house and maybe trade in a car for something bigger brings on the anxiety -- will we be able to afford life??

Then the rational side of me comes barreling through and reminds me that hubs will be finished with school soon, working full time shortly after, so we will be okay.

That's what I keep telling myself at least; it's going to be okay.

In all reality, Jonathan will be in Kindergarten one year after baby starts daycare. So, that's just one year of shelling out a chunk of money.

Next week is my 16 week appointment. I am definitely looking forward to it. I am now at the point where I'm visibly pregnant. Some folks who don't know me may question it, but it's pretty obvious, I think, that I haven't just been downing too many cookies lately and I do, in fact, have a human growing inside me. I'm also getting antsy to start to feel baby move. I've heard you usually feel it earlier with your second, and I think I have felt some flutters, but I really can't wait for that big kick! It sets my mind at ease to feel the baby move and know he or she is doing okay.

AND, in just about a month, we find out WHO that human is in there. I don't have any "gut" feelings, probably because all of my husband's family seem to think it's got to be a boy, simply because of genetics. Maybe they're right. Maybe we will have two boys. If so, THAT IS FINE - OKAY? It seems like a lot of people think having a second boy will be a disappointment. I'm being 100 percent honest here when I say I. Will. Not. Be. Disappointed.

I have a friend whose six-month-old is awaiting a heart transplant. Another friend of a friend lost their baby after one year due to a rare disease causing him to need bone marrow transplants regularly.

I just want my child to be healthy. Happy. Safe. Regardless of the gender. I'd like a little smoother of a delivery this time, too, but that's really not up to me now, is it? I can share Jonathan's birth story another time. That warrants its own post.

Well, now, back to the grind of work and trying to survive the rest of the day. One thing I cannot miss is my meeting with a fitness specialist. I am going to learn about weight safety so I can try to work out a bit through this pregnancy. I want to be in decent shape when I have this baby, so once I am cleared to work out I can hopefully jump back into the swing of things. I really just want to be smokin' by my 30th birthday which will be just about one year after baby is born!

For now, adieu, my friends. Be well, and have a Happy Thanksgiving if I don't post before then!

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

13 Weeks, 4 Days

Well, hey, there, land of the blog. It's been a while, and I am sorry I broke my promise.

I actually broke a lot of promises to myself this year and, well, it sucks when you think back on how ambitious you felt months ago and compare that where you are now, realizing not much has changed.

I haven't finished my novel. I sure have thought about my main character, though. She's currently at a moment where she needs to make a very important decision that could very well tear her marriage apart, but could give her the excitement she needs to feel alive again. Shit. I should get back to that.

I haven't been blogging faithfully. I've been busy working, going home and doing dinner/bath for kid/bedtime for kid and wanting to just relax. Excuses, excuses, excuses -- I know. I have, at least, gotten J Man fully potty trained. WIN. Major win.

Also, if you couldn't tell from the title. I AM PREGNANT. I guess you could say that is one thing I had hoped to accomplish this year that I luckily could check off the list. We are due May 10!

I really want to use this blog as an outlet through the next 7 months or so. I've had a lot of things come to me that I wanted to write down so far, and I haven't. Dangit, I am going to stick to it this time.

So, brief little recap here: hubs is almost finished with school, and my due date, yeah, that's his graduation day. Way to go, us, right? If things go our way, baby will come early. J Man was three weeks early. Otherwise, I will be hugely pregnant at graduation, holding a little baby, or in the hospital. I really, REALLY, do not want to be in the hospital. I desperately want to be there to see hubs graduate!

We told J Man about the baby pretty much as soon as we found out. We wanted him involved from the beginning, and I also wanted him to understand why mommy may not be able to do some of the things I usually do for him while I grow the baby in my belly. That, of course, prompted a ton of questions and hysterical moments which I will save for a future post.

Another future post I will save is about the gender. Obviously, we'd love to have a little girl. We want two kids, and if we have the girl, we'll be even! A lot of people are convinced this is a boy, though. I've come to accept that if I have a second boy, I will have my two boys, and enjoy watching them grow. I have seen too many people go through hard times with babies and losses that I feel I should be grateful for a healthy baby. Period. And I will be.

Anyway, before this gets too long, I will go ahead and close it out. I have lots of ideas for topics I want to cover, and am excited to be back in the saddle again. I'm not sure if I will post weekly, as my pregnancy progresses, or if I will want to do some in-between posts, too. That's likely.

I hope you all have a great week/few days and that life is treating you well. Until next time, folks! :)

ETA: I should mention that yes, I did accomplish landing a job (phew!) and this page has NOT moved to a new site yet. I have a domain, but with hubs in school and working, as well as me working, we haven't had the time to make it "right." We'll get there, though.

Friday, January 4, 2013

2013: Bring it

And here it is, the end of the first week of 2013. I am facing this year with a sense of optimism. Thirteen has always been a number bringing great things for me and my family; hopefully it doesn't let me down.

Brief history of 13 in my life:
My grandmother and mother were born on the thirteenth.
I was number 13 in a dance competition the first time I won first place!
I went into labor on March 13
I don't have much more, but those things alone make me happy. :)

I have goals to reach this year; not so much resolutions, but accomplishments I plan to achieve. I'm writing. I will finish this novel and begin the query process, remaining cautiously optimistic that someone, maybe, will be interested enough to offer me representation.

I'm still applying to and interviewing for jobs. I feel I am at the point where an offer may possibly be made soon and, frankly, I need an offer to be made. My freelancing gig just ended, husband is still a student working part-time and we have rent and bills to pay and a child to take care of. Again, keeping my chin up and eyes forward. Things will come together.

Jonathan will be three in just over two months. How is that possible?! Wasn't I just complaining about how HUGE and pregnant I was? Where did my little baby go? He's such a little man now. We play pirates and doctor, superheroes and do puzzles. We've definitely faced some challenges with what some refer to as "terrible twos," but I can honestly say that husband and I have been able to manage that relatively well. I hear three is worse, and I am bracing myself for it, but remaining hopeful that if we handle meltdowns the same way we handled them in the past, we will make it through.

Potty training has proven to be more challenging than I assumed, but isn't everything that way with parenting? The thing is, he CAN and HAS peed on the potty. He also has told me that he has to go, and then goes on the potty. It's just a matter of being consistent, but that is where we reach the issues. He doesn't always seem to WANT to go when it's "time." I remind myself that he will not be going off to college in diapers and that we will get through this. Yes, probably right around the time we are knee-deep in baby poop again (no, I am NOT pregnant), but he will take his time and do it on his own.

If all things come together as planned (and, I have learned not to depend on plans as life tends to throw some curveballs at you), hubs should be finishing school this December. The thought that an end is in sight literally takes a weight off of my chest and brings me an immeasurable about of joy.  This has been a LONG ASS ROAD. I am, rather, we are ready to move on to the next chapter. Steady careers, a house, maybe another baby in the next couple of years ... Who knows?

In addition, this blog will be moving to a new site in the next few months. Hubs got me my on domain for our anniversary last year and I have done nothing with it. Fail on my part. However, he asked if I want to renew it and I said, "YES!" I am going to build up my blog posts and maybe let more folks into my world.  My goal is to post weekly. Kind of like that Project 52, I guess.

Have a fantastic week, everyone!

Friday, December 14, 2012

May angels lead you in

Twenty children went to school today expecting to make gingerbread houses, learn, play with their friends and then go home to their families to enjoy the weekend.

It's a little over a week until Christmas; I bet they were wondering what Santa was going to bring them.

I am still having a hard time truly comprehending how someone could take the lives of twenty children. Or anyone for that matter. But children should not have to fear walking into school.

Twenty sets of parents went home to toys in the livingroom, unmade beds, dishes with Disney characters on them in the sink and clothes in the laundry. All items that belong to a child who will not come home. The pain must be debilitating.

Bedtime with my son is usually a drawn out process. He brushes his teeth, goes potty (if I am lucky; potty training has proven to be quite challenging in our house), we read stories and then he basically talks, rolls around, tries to get up and play, sometimes poops, and then -- eventually -- likely, 90 minutes later, he is asleep. By the end of it, I am either ready to rip my hair out, have a glass of wine or just flop on the floor in exhaustion.

Tonight, though it was shorter than usual as he was extra tired, I laid with him until his breaths became deeper and more drawn out. I watched his fingers gently curl into his hand as his body relaxed. Studying every curve of his face and brushing his bangs off his forehead, I actually felt like I could cry. Thinking of someone hurting my child infuriates me. The thought of someone taking the life of my child not only brings anger, but also sadness and emptiness.

We all pray for our children's safety and health. We hear stories of children taken from us far too soon due to an illness or a car accident. This, however -- this is unheard of. No parent should have to bury their child, and no town should ever have to endure the horrific events that occurred today.

Parenting is tough. No one trains you; no one tells you that this tiny human will fill you with a love like you have never experienced before, a love that nothing could compare to. Sleepless nights, tantrums and picky eating are all things that can, for a moment, put you over the edge and, like I said before, make you feel like you're temporarily insane. It's a day like like this one that serves as a harsh, brutal reminder that these are all normal parts of life and, though stressful, I wouldn't change it for the world. Appreciate every moment because you really, truly never know if it will be the last you have.

My deepest sympathies go out to everyone affected by the shooting today. I do not know you, but I am mourning with you. I wish you strength and courage as you face the days ahead.

To all of those who lost their lives: May angels lead you in.

Monday, December 10, 2012

If I could just write more, maybe I could be a writer

I have more than 7,000 words waiting for me to revisit them in a Microsoft Word document titled "MY NOVEL." I was doing a pretty fine job spending quality time with my characters and developing my story, then I came down with a nasty cold and felt like crap. Then my kid got sick. Then it was Thanksgiving. My attempt at using NaNoWriMo to my own benefit of finishing my novel poofed away and it was, instead, NaWriNoMo: National Write Nothing Month. What a joke.

 I've wanted to be a writer for nearly 10 years now. I still have the fuel in my gut, that voice in my head that tells me "it WILL happen," but life seems to have gotten in the way -- not that I am complaining. I love my husband and I love my son; I wouldn't change what I have for anything. I just wish I could devote more time to writing.

At this moment in time, I am freelancing, searching for a full-time job and tending to my maniac of a toddler as my husband is a full-time student and part-time intern. The job hunt, this time around, has been challenging. I've been searching and applying for more than four months. I've been interviewed and told, "We'll let you know either way - we won't leave you hanging!" Um. FYI -- I have been hanging. A lot. I thought surely, by now, something would have worked out for me. It hasn't.

I must make a resolution to myself, for myself, to finish what I have been writing. I know I can do it, I just have to actually sit down and do it. I hear all successful writers even sit and write on days they feel they couldn't even get one word out. It's all in dedication, I suppose.

I've got the drive and I know I am dedicated, I just need the energy and the kick-in-the-butt to do it. Every day. Until it's finished. And then revise. And revise. And revise.

 I, Bridget, hereby commit myself to take time - every day - to write.


Sunday, April 1, 2012

And, I am back!

I haven't written in a while. I guess you could say I have been pretty busy. I started my new job in the middle of January. The hour-long commute to and from work, combined with nightly duties of cooking, cleaning up, playing with child, putting child to bed, and spending time with husband have taken over my life. I'll think of something I could write about and, before you know it, :: poof :: the opportunity is gone.

Today, we took Jonathan to mass. Palm Sunday mass. A two-year old to Palm Sunday mass. For those of you that go to a Catholic church, you can see where this is going, can't you? Momma forgot just how long the Gospel reading is. Momma also forgot that people don't particularly care for a child making truck noises throughout the readings, prayers and songs. It was my idea to go, too. We go to the Presbyterian church for services occasionally, but with my Catholic upbringing, I felt this inner pull to go to an actual mass for Palm Sunday. I wanted to experience something I was used to. I ... was only thinking of myself. Yeah, way to go, Bridget.

Luckily, the church had a play room where they hold Sunday school. Of course, Jonathan immediately gravitated toward the trucks and tractors. That's my boy! These days, anything that has to do with transportation makes him happy. I had to miss the majority of the mass, but at least we made the attempt.

We ventured to Target afterward, where Bobby and I got our morning chai/coffee and Jonathan enjoyed his little milk-box (like a juice box, but with milk). Did we really have a reason to be in Target? No. It's just what we do when we don't know what else to do -- we hit up the "Tar-jay".

That completely unproductive trip ended with me spilling my hot chai all over my legs as we got in the car. As we drove the not even 10 minutes back home, the temperature quickly went from hot to cold and clammy. Ugh. Sundays are supposed to be a day of rest, right? All I have felt today is busy and brain-fried ... and it is not even 12:30!

Now, I sit here writing this, with Cars 2 on to keep Jonathan happy and hopefully calm so I can get some stuff done around this house. I told Bobby to go see Hunger Games; he's been talking about it and I think he needed a little mental break. I got to go do fun things yesterday, so now it is his turn. I'll need to get groceries at some point, though the thought of going back out with Jonathan before he's napped is a little frightening.

Anyway, after rambling for nearly 10 minutes, I think it's time to call it quits. I'll try to update more often but, until next time, adios!